Parenting is one of life’s most fulfilling yet challenging journeys. But when your child goes off the derech, the emotional and spiritual struggles can feel overwhelming. How can you maintain your values while showing your child unconditional love? This balance is critical—not just for the relationship but for the possibility of guiding them back to a meaningful connection with Judaism.
Why does the Torah tell us that Yitzchak loved Esau? One answer is that Yitzchak understood Esau needed more love. Esau was going off the derech, and Yitzchak recognized that distancing himself would only drive Esau further away. Instead, he chose to give Esau the extra attention and care he so desperately needed.
For parents today, the same principle applies. When a child steps away from the Torah lifestyle, they may be silently asking: “Do you love me more than your values?” This is a delicate but crucial test of parental love. The answer should be clear: “We may not agree, but my love for you is unconditional.”
Unconditional love doesn’t mean abandoning your values or condoning every decision your child makes. It means creating an open line of communication, setting healthy boundaries, and showing consistent care and support. Children who feel loved and accepted—even in disagreement—are more likely to remain connected to their families and their heritage on some level.
Practical steps for parents include:
- Listening Without Judgment: When your child shares their feelings, listen with an open heart. Avoid lecturing or arguing.
- Setting Boundaries with Love: Make it clear that your love is unwavering but that your home has values and rules.
- Modeling Joyful Judaism: Show them that living a Torah lifestyle brings meaning, purpose, and happiness. Your example can inspire curiosity and connection.
- Staying Patient and Hopeful: Change takes time. Your consistent love can pave the way for future reconciliation.
When children go off the derech, it’s natural for parents to feel fear or sadness. But as Yitzchak demonstrated, unwavering love is a powerful tool for healing and connection. By showing your child that they are cherished no matter what, you keep the door open for them to return—not just to their family, but potentially to their spiritual roots.
